School

Update on the" wanting to drop out of school" thing. Well, I've been skipping school for two months, and today was my first day back in school, since we found out that the law of which age you can drop out was updated to eighteen years old (which is so unfair and ridiculous, especially since my birthday is in August, which means I'll only turn eighteen after my last year of school will be over so, screw you. This is absolutely absurd), so I had to go back so my parents won't sued, or sent to jail. Listen to me! I have suffered, in this stupid "education system" (more like prison or hell) for now sixteen years of my life!!! Does that sound reasonable to you?!?! I spent my first sixteen years of living on this planet, in that hell-hole called "school"!!! I should have the right to drop out, at least by the time I start high school!!! I don't want to spend a of whole eighteen years in such misery. And it's not like those feelings are new, so you can't call it me being unreasonable. Because I've had a long time to think about it, and for the whole time I was in elementary school I talked myself out of it, because I didn't have a choice!!! You guys are sick. You make me sick. Why can't I have my freedom from that hell?!?! I just feel trapped. I feel like they're trying to fit me in this box that is too small for me, and I'm suffocating. I can't breathe. I feel like they're trying to keep me in this formula of theirs in which you have to finish school, get a diploma, which is just an f-ing useless piece of paper, then go to college, or university, or whatever. Why can't you let me choose my own path?!?! The past two months, in which I have't gone to school and instead spent that time on things that actually matter, like working towards my future, which doesn't require a diploma, just FYI, has been the happiest two months of my entire life, and my therapist can vouch for me looking happier the first day I started skipping school. Though I new it wouldn't last. Because whenever I'm actually happy for a change, you have to ruin it. I go back to school, and I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe with all this stress, and pressure, and anxiety, and I've been having so much more panic attacks, at least three today when staying at home, I had barely one a day, and even though my dad said that he allowed me not to do good at school (I don't have to do anything but be present because then we won't be breaking the law, since I'd still go to school. My mom doesn't know, obviously. She would flip), there is still the problem of my fear of authority figures, which means I am terrified of the teachers, and just them asking to have a talk with me would make me cry, or almost cry, since I can't afford to let anyone see me cry, and it stresses me out even more because I have to lie and say I'd do this project or that, and I'll be skipping tests, and then they'll see me in class after they know I haven't done the test, and then they'll yell at me and I'll cry, because I'm terrified of them and I'm terrified at getting yelled at, and mom will be mad at me too... Why do I have to go through this? It's just this endless cycle of fear, stress, anxiety and misery. I hate this world!!!! I hate this stupid world that only wants to hurt me!!!! I HATE YOU, UNIVERSE!!!!!! I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!.... I just want to be able to breathe.......